Can't think of a intro for this one.  

whoisagentj 49M
692 posts
6/21/2019 6:31 am

Last Read:
6/26/2019 6:39 am

Can't think of a intro for this one.

Right now, I'm...

My mom got back from the doctor. She has extremely large blood clot in her lung right now The doctor said at any point in time, the clot could break off, and float into her bloodstream until it hits a vital organ or her brain, cause a major blockage and then she would die from it. The doctor said it could happen at any time, so they immediately gave her some medicine to see if it would start to dissolve the blood clot. In short, it's a ticking time bomb. She could die tomorrow, or next week, or a year from now. The doctor said that hopefully the medicine will work to dissolve the blood clot somewhat, but she could be living with this clot for the rest of her life. They can't go in via surgery to remove the clot as if it breaks off while in surgery, she's done for, so they're opting for medicine to get the job done or at least keep the clot from getting bigger and pray it doesn't move or break off.

I don't know how to take this. First I was dealing with the cancer she has now. Now I'm dealing with a blood clot that could kill her at any time. One is a slow death. The other is could be a rapid death and happen at any time.

To make matters worse, it's my 's birthday tomorrow, so tonight we're supposed to celebrate it. I'm debating if I should even tell her or not. Plus I'm not good at faking being happy when this is weighing on my head.

Yesterday, I had to sit down with my mom, and she hugged me. I felt yesterday that this could be the LAST time I hugged my mom, and it was hard to let her go, so, so hard. I had tears welling in my eyes, but because I didn't want my mom to see me like that, I just held back the tears, and for some reason, I blocked it off in my mind. My mom is alive, not dead, so I just stashed this knowledge in the back of my mind like it was an unimportant fact. But it's not unimportant.

Dealing with the mortality of one's parents is so difficult to comprehend. You know death is inevitable, but you just don't want to accept it. They are here now and you want them to live forever.

Happy Friday everyone. Make sure to tell your family and loved ones how much you love them today. It might be there last day. You never know. Sorry for being a downer today with this post.

Who can you call on to save the day?

Why none other than...


pocogato12 67F  
27817 posts
6/25/2019 9:31 am

Late to the party OOPS I wasnt even invited-drat
Seriously, I hope your daughter's birthday was cheerful and that she could spend time with her grandmother. All you can do is be as positive as possible and make each day have something happy in it even when it's dismal. Give your mom an hug from me

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whoisagentj replies on 6/26/2019 6:39 am:
She did enjoy it, and continuing to give my mom big hugs.

Livin_my_Life14 49F  
1217 posts
6/22/2019 5:42 am

Prayers that the medicine dissolved the clot!! 🙏❤️ Just take is one day at a time. Enjoy your daughters birthday party 🥳

whoisagentj replies on 6/23/2019 2:08 pm:
Well, I think that medicine will take a lot longer than just a couple of days. The doctor wants her to be on that medicine for a minimum of six months, and if it doesn't dissolve the clot, she'll be on it most likely for the rest of her life until the clot disappears.

cinnamon0133 54F  
18036 posts
6/21/2019 9:51 am

Wow, okay, I cared for my mother for the last 20 years of her life. She fought cancer for 20 years. It started off with her going into hospital to have hemmorids removed only to find out she had anal cancer. By the time she died she had 6 major surgeries, cancer was everywhere. Her mind was clear until 10 hours before she died. She died 15 years ago and I still miss her like crazy!! My friends mom had a blood clot like your mom, she lived 8 years with it, when the clot finally let go she passed very quickly with no pain. Her husband went to check on her 2 minutes after she went into the bathroom and found her. My father was diagnosed with prostrate cancer 2 years before my mother died and the FUCKING BASTARD is still alive and kicking. While caring for my mother for those 20 years I got married, had 2 kids, my ex husband literally tried to murder me, I divorced and was a single mother of my 1 and 2 year old daughters.
I'm not trying to be rude or cold hearted. I'm trying to tell you I felt the same as you, I was so overwhelmed with sadness, I was devasted BUT then I realized I want to make memories, I want my mother's last year's to be full of happiness!! I REFUSED to mope, I couldn't stop her death but I I could make her happy and comfortable.
Personally, I dealt with all by taking day by day. I'm NOT a day by day person, I'm a planner. Make laughter a daily part of your life, it will save you on you darkest days.
I'm going to tell you a funny story on one of our worst days. My mother and I were extremely close BUT holy fuck when we fought 🤣🤣 our relationship had a lot of love and TONS of sarcasm. My mother was recovering from a radical surgery (she had her anus and rectum removed, colostomy and 221 stitches) and had to be in a nursing home for a month recovery, she was in a lovely private room, she could not move at all. I went to see her the night she was transferred there. When I walked in she said "oh good, you're here, would you please get me a glass of water" my response, (as I was walking to the water pitcher) "why don't you get off your non existent ass and get it yourself" we laughed so hard my mother wet the bed, she NEVER wet the bed but I made her laugh too hard. Honestly, that is one of my best memories!! FUCK, sorry for rambling, I'm trying to help, I really do understand. Don't tell your daughter tonight, don't have her associate her birthday with her grandmother's diagnosis. My mother died 4 days before my youngest daughters birthday (she was turning 7 that year) . I'm sorry for rambling, feel free to tell me to fuck off and delete my comment.

Treat Me Like A Angel And I Will Show You What Heaven Is Really Like

whoisagentj replies on 6/21/2019 10:45 am:
LOL! OK ok, I've got NOTHING to complain about, you win, your story is worse. LMAO! just kidding.

Seriously that is a LOT to go through. But I will say put into perspective that I really just need to be there for my mom and help her when I can.
And yeah, I am the same way with my mom as you were with yours. When we argue, we fight it out until one of us is right. And then my mom still refuses to acknowledge I was right. LMAO!

Thank you so much for sharing all of that. I feel a bit better now.

seems6666 48F  
2435 posts
6/21/2019 7:57 am

This is very difficult, and I feel for you. Try and enjoy your daughters birthday,,

whoisagentj replies on 6/21/2019 10:40 am:
Thank you. I'm gonna try somehow.

Mancrotchwatcher 57M
174 posts
6/21/2019 6:52 am

Hang in there!

whoisagentj replies on 6/21/2019 7:17 am:
Thanks Man...I'm trying.

whoisagentj 49M
6035 posts
6/21/2019 6:32 am

Yay. It's Friday.

Who can you call on to save the day?

Why none other than...


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