Hate feeling like I am now...  

whoisagentj 49M
692 posts
7/9/2019 7:19 am

Last Read:
7/10/2019 1:42 pm

Hate feeling like I am now...

Right now my feelings are very mixed and confused at the moment. On one side, I want to have a relationship and lots and lots of sex. Or just sex. Lots and lots of sex. LOL! Ultimately, I do want a relationship. But when one has gone without real sex, not just stick it in and that's it with no cares in the world or a one night stand, but actual intimate relations with a woman. Being able to look into her eyes, and see that she wants you and you want her, and to feel your heart swell with love because she wants you and only you. That is what I really want. To feel wanted. I could even do without the sex part for a while. It's being wanted by a woman. That feeling is amazing.

On the other side...which I'm on now...my mind is a confused and jumbled mess of things. I don't even think I could comprehend a relationship right now. My mind is a blur of work and taking care of my folks who are both sick and tired and my mom with a host of issues and problems. Plus taking care of my . Plus focusing on my bills. I thought that the days off that I was going to have was going to be restful for me. Instead I stayed at home and did nothing but cook and clean and take care of my folks and my family. I got very little rest this weekend. No real getting away or escaping reality or getting away from it all as I felt plagued by my life at home. I still feel like that. Like I'm trapped. Honestly, I want to get AWAY away, if you know what I mean. Like I could escape and go somewhere even if it's for a weekend and just not have to deal with my folks, my , my bills, everything, and just be in the arms of a good woman and just be held and hugged, and doted on for a while so I could feel like a normal human being. Because right now, I'm not feeling that way. And there's this pain. It's like being in a pit of despair, and I know I can get out, but the feeling of panic has overwhelmed me to where I can't see a way out. I know there is a way out, but I'm so overwhelmed with daily life, I can't focus and see that way out.

I don't know why I feel like this. I'm not in a bad place right now. My bill situation is slowly getting better. I can buy stuff for my right now. Things are improving in some areas. But others feel like I'm just trapped and I can't get out. What's worse is I still have that feeling like my mind is mush right now and I can't focus. I should be happy I'm working and have a steady job right now, but I'm so lethargic I don't feel like I want to do anything. And that's a bad thing. Yesterday I sat at my desk, and hardly did anything. Work feels like a massive chore.

Have you ever felt like this? If so, how did you escape feeling like this? What did you do to help you out of this haze?

Who can you call on to save the day?

Why none other than...


thax013 42M
1089 posts
7/10/2019 1:27 pm

Sounds like depression. I have faced that many times, and felt the way that you are feeling. I hope that you are not having any suicidal thoughts that you are hiding, if so, then definitely get some help, therapist or support group.

For myself, I have the support of my wife, and her family. I was able to embrace the void, feel nothing, until my head got clear and I could handle life again, then return from the void. I can tell that you do not have that luxury. For my wife, she talked with her doctor, and ended up getting an anti-depressant, which helped her immensely. But then again, whenever she was depressed, I was good and able to help with everything. Still, I think that is a decent avenue to explore.

Caring for loved ones is very hard work, the emotional exhaustion can easily become overwhelming. There should be some support groups, or programs to help. If you are a member of a church, contacting the pastor would be a good step, they tend to know of a lot of the local programs available for help. Even just having a person come over to care, giving you an evening off without the concerns, would help your mental state greatly.

To me, you have sounded like a very interesting person. So I am sure that you will appear that way to others. On this site, there are two main ways to let your unique light shine. Blogging, which you are already doing, and chat rooms. I found that my local chat room of Lower Midwest to be a pretty good place. At first I really could not get to talk with women, so I started doing some witty banter with some of the other guys that were just looking to have fun chatting. Sports, life, hobbies, etc. the women in the room watch these conversations. After a few days, I started getting messages from some of the women, who thought I sounded interesting. Once they see your unique light, I would expect there to be an increased interest, even if it is only for chatting.

You are doing good, needing some help, but good. Keep it up.

Visit my blog if you want to at thax013 and thank you very much!

whoisagentj replies on 7/10/2019 1:42 pm:
Oh god no. No, I'm not even having suicidal thoughts or anything like that at all! Not to make light of it, I think I have a lot to live for with my kids.

I do think that I might be emotionally exhausted however. Taking care of my folks, my kids, my work is very emotionally taxing, and I think that having a lack of sleep has caused me to be burned out. Plus I think the lack of an emotional outlet has been something I've been dealing with and I need to find a group to get back to and get talking again.

BiggLala 47F  
26470 posts
7/9/2019 6:34 pm

You might want to see your physician and/or a therapist. I'm going to guess you're dealing with depression, though you might not realize it. TRUST me when I say, that the more you let this lethargic feeling continue (or ignore it thinking it isn't depression), the worse it will become.

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whoisagentj replies on 7/10/2019 6:16 am:
That is possible. Well, I'm convinced, I'm going to call my doctor today and set up an appointment to see if I can discuss this with him and see what he says.

Wonder167 52F  
3538 posts
7/9/2019 8:25 am

I think we all feel that way at a time in our life. Some handle the stress more than others. Sleep is very important, so I hope you're getting enough. Maybe talking to someone like positively suggested. I'm not a fan of meds, but you have to do what is right for you, perhaps find some holistic alternative. With so much going on in your life, would finding someone like that be feasible? Relationships need attention to flourish, especially those that aren't already solidified. Good luck.

Life is like a camera. Focus on what's important.
Capture the good times.
Develop from the negatives and if things don't work out,
Take another shot!

whoisagentj replies on 7/9/2019 1:16 pm:
I think maybe getting more sleep might be the key. I haven't been able to sleep well at night, with me getting up in the middle of the night, and not getting enough restful sleep might be the key. Tonight I'm going to stop and also see if I can get some Melatonin as well to see if that might help.
I do agree finding someone right now may not be a viable option right now. I completely agree that you have to devote time to a relationship, which is something I don't have at the moment. I will admit though, my sex drive has been high, but that might be mixed feelings of me just wanting physical attention in which I need.

Mancrotchwatcher 57M
174 posts
7/9/2019 8:23 am

Are you using hospice services for your folks? Hospice workers are angels on earth in my opinion.

When I was taking care of my mom I eventually got to the place where you are now in feeling overwhelmed. They offer respite care. Just having 2-3 hours to go out for lunch with my husband, have a cocktail, and feel normal again was enough to recharge my batteries.

Also, as someone else mentioned, get your kids involved in helping. It will not only help you, but instill some responsibility in them. No one wants kids who view daddy as nothing but a gift-giver or ATM.

As far as the sex part, have you considered a prostitute? I know that’ sounds so cold and it’s not a relationship, but sometimes you just gotta get your rocks off.

whoisagentj replies on 7/9/2019 1:11 pm:
Well hospice is for people dying. I tried asking for help via online for cancer patients who are suffering and need help cleaning the house, and there isn't a service for that in my area, only up in the Northern suburbs of the Chicago area. The south suburbs of Chicago is pretty much the middle to lower class areas, so they don't cater to those areas.

As I said before, the kids live 40 miles away and my daughter is already working part time, and she has her own life to lead. So right now, getting the kids involved, as much as I would like it, is a hard no at the moment.

As for a prostitute, while I don't look down on sex workers, I have thought about it. But spending a couple of hundred dollars for a prostitute? I could use that to pay down bills. I won't deny I've thought about it, but I don't know if I could do something like that.

positively4you 69F  
3467 posts
7/9/2019 7:51 am

I became a widow when I was your age now. My despair was high taking care if him, his dad and a full time demanding job. My dr recommended I try Prozac. It was a huge help. Problems still there but I could cope easier.
After he died, dad in law went to live with his other son, my life became quieter. Weaned off of the meds because I don’t like taking meds, but it did help me. There are advisors who help with caregivers. Maybe find a support group to help with that. And you will meet new people.

whoisagentj replies on 7/9/2019 1:18 pm:
I'm debating if I that's really something I want to do at the moment. I think maybe getting more sleep will be the first thing I try to do first along with some Melatonin to help me get to sleep better.
However, If things don't progress, I probably will check with a doctor to see if I might need to go back on anti-depressants again.

whoisagentj 49M
6035 posts
7/9/2019 7:20 am

How do you overcome feelings where you felt overwhelmed? I'd love to hear your suggestions on this.

Who can you call on to save the day?

Why none other than...


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