Articles by BPELD

Praying Old Man...   6/28/2019

An old man is his bedside praying when his wife says... What are you doing? praying for guidance..Replies the old guy. Well..Says the wife...."Just pray for stiffness & I'll guide the &


0 Comments, 20 Views, 0 Votes
Mirror, Mirror   6/28/2019

A woman buys a mirror an antique shop from a gypsy, and hangs it on her bathroom door. One evening, while getting undressed, she playfully says "Mirror, mirror, on my door, make my bust line fo


0 Comments, 34 Views, 0 Votes
Like The Movies...   6/28/2019

A guy with a black eye walks into a bar and orders a triple bourbon. The bartender says "Having a tough , huh?" The guy says "Yeah. My wife and I were doing the dishes and she turned to


0 Comments, 39 Views, 0 Votes
Nursing School...   6/28/2019

A woman enrolled in nursing is attending an anatomy . The subject of the is involuntary muscles. The instructor, hoping to perk up the students a bit, asks the woman if she knows what her asshole do


0 Comments, 18 Views, 0 Votes
My Folks....   6/26/2019

My old mom was tired of being ignored on Sunday during Football season by my dad. So, she went and got her sexy nightgown that had almost no back it. She put it on backwards show off her tits. She


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My Folks....   6/26/2019

My folks have been married so long the only Sex they have is Hall Sex. They avoid each other completely and if by chance they pass each other in the Hall my mom tells my dad "Screw You" an


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Funny Quotes...   6/25/2019

Why does a gynecologist leave the room when you undress? <br><br> Why can't women put their mascara on with their mouth closed? <br><br> Who was the first person to look at


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Funny Quotes...   6/25/2019

The last thing I want to do is hurt your feelings, but it’s still on my list. <br><br> If I agreed with you then we’d both be wrong. <br><br> If love is blind, why is linge


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Most of the time...   6/25/2019

Most of the time... when you're sad, nobody notices your tears. Most of the time... when you're worried, nobody feels your pain. Most of the time... when you're happy, nobody sees your smi


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Now that's Funny...   6/25/2019

I love it when you walk through a spider web, you all of a sudden learn Kung Fu <br><br> The shinbone is a device for finding furniture in a dark room. <br><br> <br><b


0 Comments, 15 Views, 0 Votes
The Broccoli Says...   6/25/2019

The broccoli says 'I look like a small tree', the mushroom says 'I look like an umbrella', the walnut says 'I look like a brain', and the banana says 'Can we please change


0 Comments, 5 Views, 0 Votes
Funny Quotes...   6/25/2019

What do Eskimos get from sitting on the ice too long? Polaroids. <br><br> Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes. <br><br> As a child my family's menu consisted


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Funny Quotes....   6/25/2019

When everything's coming your way, you're probably in the wrong lane <br><br> <br><br> Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will s


0 Comments, 4 Views, 0 Votes
Funny Quotes.....   6/25/2019

If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea... does that mean that one enjoys it? <br><br> Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night <br><


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Funny Quotes...   6/25/2019

"You have a cough? Go home tonight, eat a whole box of Ex-Lax, tomorrow you'll be afraid to cough." <br><br> "Its been a rough day. I got up this morning .... put on a s


0 Comments, 3 Views, 0 Votes
Funny Quotes....   6/25/2019

If you want to look young and thin, hang around old fat people. <br><br> The worst time to have a heart attack is during a game of charades <br><br> Friendship is like peeing o


0 Comments, 4 Views, 0 Votes
My 4 moods:   6/24/2019

My 4 moods: I’m too old for this shit, I’m too tired for this shit, I’m too sober for this shit, I don’t have time for this shit.


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Old Aunts...   6/24/2019

Old aunts used to come up to me at weddings, poke me in the ribs and cackle, telling me, “You’re next.” They stopped after I started doing the same thing to them at funerals.


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and then the fight started.....   6/24/2019

A woman was standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror. She was not happy with what she saw and said to her husband, "I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a co


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And then the fight started...   6/24/2019

My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary. She said, 'I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 180 in about 3 seconds.' I bought her a bathroom scale. And then t


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And then the fight started.....   6/24/2019

My wife sat down next to me as I was flipping channels. She asked, 'What's on the TV?' I said, 'Dust.' And then the fight started...


0 Comments, 3 Views, 0 Votes